jrs2cents.com

I recently tried to start journaling again and once again found it difficult. I have tried to do daily journals for quite some time now. I read a great article on the benefits of journaling and how it can make you more productive over all. I can see how it would be great to let everything out at the end of the day into a journal and being able to look back and grow from what has been written. So why do I struggle with it? Why do I have to force myself to do it?

Seems it would be great to get everything out everyday. All my thoughts, ambitions etc.. But by the time I am ready to do that I don’t seem to have anything to say. I realized that I have great conversations with my wife. With the kind of communication I have with my wife everyday, I find it hard to have much to journal. It’s like repeating the same things over again to someone else. That got me thinking about how important that was to our relationship.

A True Best Friend

My wife and I have a great friendship. Yes, a friendship. We are truly great friends. I would have to say that although there are some very close people in my life that I could call my "best friend", she definitely is my best friend. We spent 3 years being best friends before we got married. There is nothing I won’t share with her. She is the person I enjoy talking to the most. She is the person I enjoy hanging out with the most. She is the person I go to when I am down, happy, worried etc… .

I can’t even stress how important that is in our marriage. You can hear it said a lot how much work a marriage is. It is a lot less work when you have a friendship, not just a marriage. When you can do just about anything together there is not much to “work” at. Sure there will always be tough times but trust me it is a lot easier to deal with.

Marriage vs. Coexistence

The word “marriage” can be used to describe two companies merging. Sadly many marriages represent that. Couples living like they are part of some business deal. A friendship goes far beyond just a partnership. Friendships survive the toughest times, business deals do not. In a business deal it is all about making sure your half is profitable. If it is not you split. Did I mention the divorce rate is over 50% in America?

I love to watch people and their behaviors, especially married couples. Sometimes within minutes you can tell a lot about their relationship. Countless times I have observed couples living like disgruntled roommates. They mostly just tolerate each other as best as they can. Basically instead of living a marriage they are just coexisting in the same residence and many times raising children at the same time.

Invest In Your Marriage

I know, I know, after talking about how some marriages are more of a business deal using the word “invest” may not be good. But you can invest in many things. Think about the commitment of marriage. For better or worst. Richer or poorer. Those words seem to hold less and less weight lately. But for those of you who actually care about your marriage think about it. Go with the assumption that your marriage is what it is suppose to be, forever.

You can have kids and they will grow old and go out on their own. You will have friends, they would move across the country at the drop of a hat if it was best for them. That goes for some family as well. But your spouse, they are the one that is suppose to be with you when you are old and grey. They are the one who will outlast the friendships, the jobs etc… .

A Spoiled Generation

So does this mean that in order to be happy, you have to been best friends first for the marriage to work? No. If you are not in the situation where you are best friends, than you need to get there. We are a very spoiled generation. I have said this to many people and will probably say it many more times.

The Bible lays out some pretty solid guidelines on how a marriage is suppose to be. In those days you lived by those rules and many times your marriage was arranged. You did not have the luxury of choosing your spouse. Today we can spend all the time we want before “tying the knot.” Many are even living together  before they are married. But then later they just say “Oh, I made a mistake.” They want a divorce because they can’t possibly work things out.

Seriously? Could you have done better if you were forced to marry a stranger? Could you have unconditionally loved them? Because people made it work that way and actually in some cultures, they still do today.

Become Best Friends

The first ingredient is of course God, He must be the center of your marriage. The next is the investment in that friendship. People will let you down in life. Friends, family, Pastors, they can all let you down at some point. In the end it is you, your spouse and God. The 3 of you must outlast every issue in life. Aside from your relationship with God, this should be the most important goal in your life.

This will also have the biggest impact on dealing with life. Again aside from God, the ability to have a best friend to talk to is very important. As I said before, it’s nice not to have the need to write everything down to vent. It is nice to have my best friend to share everything with. Take some time to evaluate your relationship with your spouse. First how is your relationship with God, second how is your friendship?

JR’s 2 Cents Newsletter Announcement (video)